I hadn't been arrested, so this post probably won't be as exciting as you'd hoped. It was all part of the extremely rigorous hiring process in my local school system. I was hoping to spice up my life by working a few days a month as a substitute teacher at my kindergartner's school. So I dug up my old grad school transcript and my real Social Security card and attended a new hire orientation. All that still wasn't enough; I had to fork over a refundable $48 to get fingerprinted for a background check.
With all the headline-making, teacher-student scenarios inspired by that old Van Halen song, you'll be glad to know that our school system is doing its best to keep your kids from being locked in a classroom with a raving maniac.
I guess fingerprinting has come a long way since the days of Dragnet or even NYPD Blue. Of course, it's digital. I had to place my fingers just so on a touch pad that relayed a digital image to a computer screen and deemed them acceptable or not. Guess what? Mine were never acceptable. My fingerprints failed! The poor Official Fingerprint Lady had to try three times for each finger and thumb! It was a day of firsts for her, too.
"Well, I guess your ridges aren't very deep," she mused as she smashed and rolled my fingers on the screen in an attempt to capture an acceptable image. "I've never had one where I had to override all ten."
See, I AM special!
By the way, you can't go just anywhere to get fingerprinted. The school system's current list of approved locations included some random security agencies, but only one place in my county, about 20 miles from my house. It was at a UPS Store! I really wanted to go to the Guns and Leather location in Greenbrier, but that's two counties away.
After holding hands with the nice UPS lady for about 15 minutes, I finished and turned to head back home. She did have some parting words of advice for me, though.
"I guess if teaching doesn't work out, you'd be perfect for a life of crime!"
Don't even tempt me.
No comments:
Post a Comment