Another reason moms aren't boys

For the record, telling boys, "You're shaking the whole house," will not discourage them from doing whatever loud, thumping, crashing activity they're doing. In fact, if they're like my boys, they'll probably say, "Cool!" and assume you're cheering them on.

I know this because I work from home. My desk backs up to the wall on which their new Nerf hoop is located.

I cannot concentrate during a game of what they call "Contact Basketball" because they do shake the whole house, and I cannot edit a magazine about Glasgow, Kentucky, when it sounds like they are literally killing each other.

When I do get up and check on them through the glass door, they all pop up with innocent smiles. The youngest gives me a thumbs up, saying cheerfully, "We're okay!!!"

BTW, do not Google "basketball injuries" if you're queasy about bone stuff.

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The No. 2 rule at our house...

Christmas Eve Eve freakout

I was so worried about getting to Kroger early to beat the crowds that I left the house without my list. Those who know me know that I am helpless at Kroger without my list. I will just wander aimlessly throwing kumquats and garlic bread in my buggy.

I was NOT going to drive back home, so I had to call home and get one of my 13-year-olds to read the list over the phone to me. This was no ordinary list but a list that covered Christmas dinner plus regular meals for five people for four other days.

The kid translates fine except for my weird abbreviations: He really gets hung up on "crm of chkn."

I also happened to forget my Honeybaked Ham reservation number, but he read that to me too. After all was bought and done, I felt pretty blessed to walk out carrying a $50 ham for Christmas dinner.

And I did get back home by 10 a.m.

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Click here to read about yet another reason my youngest child may need therapy in a few years.

Heaven and nature sing

This is Owen's choir teacher, Ms. Deanna. He really loves her and has always wanted to go to choir practice, even on weeknights, because she is so sweet and makes it fun.

So, big ups to Ms. Deanna for making choir cool!

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Our countdown calendar says fourteen days until Christmas, one day until Mom loses it.

Growing old together is fun!

Last night Tim couldn't find the Chap Stick in its usual spot. He opened the junk drawer and pulled out a tube of Herpecin, which is awesome for cold sores. Even so, the tube looks a little different from Chap Stick.

Since his arms are not long enough to read stuff properly, he held it up and asked me, "Is this Chap Stick?"

I answered affirmatively.

"OK, good," he said. "I just wanted to make sure it wasn't glue stick."

Too much togetherness

Last Tuesday morning the Explorer wouldn't start. No problem, really. That's why we're a two-car family, right? We got Owen to school, then I took Tim back to work and left the truck sitting in the driveway to think about it and come back to me when it had a better answer.

When it still wouldn't talk later that night, Tim charged the battery for a while. Nothing. OK, no big deal. We weren't trying to pack it up and drive to Memphis for Thanksgiving.

Big John Deere hat-wearing boy comes with a tow truck on Wednesday morning and hauls it to Gateway, where I anticipate it will be fixed by that afternoon, maybe Saturday, since it's a holiday and all.

Get the bright idea to Google possible answers, since I self-diagnose all the time anyway. Internet thinks it could be anything from a spark plug to a fuel pump, since it's clearly not battery related. I mean, everything battery-related works. It just won't start. But I don't want a fuel pump for Christmas!!!!!!

Wait and wait and wait and wait to hear from Gateway. Drive past the parking lot twice during the week and see the truck sitting innocently. Wave.

By Sunday, when we're all tired of driving around with three boys sitting shoulder to shoulder in the back seat of a sedan that seats four "comfortably," we have this conversation:

Owen: (leaning over as Tim takes a turn too sharply) Whooooaaaaaaaaa!

Mason: (shoving little brother) Get off me!

Owen: It was an accident!!!

Henry: (leaning dramatically over onto both brothers) Weeeeeeeeee, I'm having an accident too!

Owen and Mason: Hey!!!!!!! Stop!

Tim: (frustrated) If you don't stop, I'm gonna have an accident on all of y'all!

Henry: (after pause) Eeeewwww.

And that, America, is why we drive an SUV with three rows of seats.

Pick up truck Monday afternoon with the bizarre news that there is not a thing wrong with it. Merry Christmas, Gateway and Lund's Towing.