Enough is enough

During the months after the 9/11 attacks, TV "news" shows thankfully took a break from their focus on celebrities. Rather than subjecting us to endless speculation about Britney Spears, they dealt in the currency of the day: good news. I remember it was a welcome respite from the nonstop worthless coverage of famous people being bad. It's the kind of pointless obsession that turned the paparazzi culture into what it is today, something like junk food TV that you might get sucked into watching but regret immediately.

Nearly ten years later, news media outlets are back where they were in 2001, as far as celeb obsession. Maybe it's a bit worse. Need proof? Well, some think the National Enquirer should get a Pulitzer this year.

Apparently that blessed period of media coverage after 9/11 was like Christmas, when we all spread peace and say, "Wouldn't it be great if we could act the way we act on Christmas throughout the year?" Going by that dream, I'd say we're in July right now and that Christmas peace is a distant memory.

For TV networks, though, Christmas Day will come this Friday when Tiger Woods finally shows his face. "His people" announced yesterday that he will hold a press conference Friday. They then allowed a photo agency to take pictures of him jogging on the same day as if to say, "See? Here he is, being normal, taking his first metaphorical steps toward a new life (i.e. image repair)."

Tiger has been like the Loch Ness monster since his bizarre Thanksgiving last year. Well, he's been elusive, but coverage of his apparent escapades has not. In fact, I am tired of jumping on the TV mute button whenever ESPN brings him up in order to shield my sports-fan boys from the icky details.

When I first heard about the press conference, though, naturally I was intrigued.

Then I read about the arrangements being made for his carefully orchestrated piece of drama. Employees at the golf club where he'll finally show up will come into work at 4:30 a.m. to prep the course, not for golf, which is what Tiger should be known for, but for Tiger's privacy. Then they're only inviting six reporters into the room where he'll materialize, though they will not be allowed to ask questions.

All the kowtowing is making me sick. I wouldn't be surprised if workers had been digging an underground tunnel from his home so he won't be subjected to his worst nightmare: someone catching a glimpse of him that he didn't want seen. Oops, too late!

First, he turns police away three times when they try to talk to him at home right after The Incident. I didn't even know you could do that! I bet if I tried to tell the police, "Come back later," I'd get Tased.

Today, they expect Tiger to arrive in a fleet of black SUVs, like he's important. Think about it. They'll drive him in underneath the clubhouse, lest he be seen by commoners with cameras.

I happen to be one of those pain-in-the-butt people who thinks that multimillion-dollar paydays to one person are disgusting. I know sports are a business and that Tiger is a moneymaker beyond compare. But just who does he think he is ... Obama?

I heard everything I needed to know about Tiger Woods when CNN played the voice mail he'd left Jamiee Grubbs after his wife looked in his inbox. In it, he didn't say, "We have to stop seeing each other. I can't do this. It's wrong." He told her to take her name off her phone so it wouldn't show up when she called him again. More secrets, more lies, more attempts to make the public think he's somebody great.

It's no wonder, really, that he thinks "the rules" don't apply to him. He must have read his own press. After all, his father did compare him to Gandhi. His mom proclaimed him a uniter of nations because he has "Thai, African, Chinese, American Indian and European blood" in him. Even other pro golfers who've played against him have speculated that there's something supernatural about Tiger. That's a lot to live up to when you're really just very good at ... golf.

It turns out he's less supernatural and more superfreak.

Personally, I've had it with the fawning and the bowing and the scraping, and I'm not married to the guy. I think I'll give up all these so-called "news" sites for Lent so I don't have to hear about it.

Right after the Friday press conference.

UPDATE! Good news! Some journalists refuse to be told how to cover a story.