Time for a pity party!

I have a personal standard of being about four years behind most cultural trends. It's not a written policy or anything. It just happens that way.

I'm aware of the stuff that's sweeping the nation, as they say. I just don't always participate in it, at first.

Especially books and movies. Whenever I watch the Academy Awards ceremony, for example, I've rarely seen all of the movies up for the big awards. I'm lucky if I've seen one. However, I can usually tell you more than you wanted to know about the plot, who stars in them, and who was killed or hooked up or broke up during the filming of said blockbuster because I read a lot.

I live my life like the perfect reference librarian, full of secondary information I can readily pass along without actually going into the stacks.

No, I'm more like a walking, talking Bible concordance, full of helpful names and numbers but no fulfilling scriptures.

Anyway, now that I'm out of literary analogies, I can admit that I'm not sure what sucked all the joie de vivre out of me (twins). I can't think of many "Jill" things I'd be excited enough about to wait in line for. I've waited in line for plenty of kids stuff, but not by choice. I think the last thing I literally waited for in a long line with anticipation was a coveted spot in the summer session of preschool. So, yeah. That's how bad it is. Now you understand why I get so excited when a new FreeCreditReport.com commercial comes on.

To combat this slow ossification of my life, I suddenly decided to read a best-seller. At least, it was a best-seller about four years ago.

I chose Eat, Pray, Love because I happened to read that its author's second book was coming out, and I thought, "Wow, I never even read her first book." I also saw where Julia Roberts was playing the lead in the movie version of that first book, which means it will get a lot of press, so I thought I'd at least try to be ahead of the trend game this summer.

As I slogged through the book, I got more and more annoyed. It follows this woman's journey to find herself across Italy, India and Indonesia. I enjoyed the Italy section pretty well because I can identify with a European vacation where the focus is eating.

In India, I got bogged down by all the ... meditating. I guess that's what got to me. For one thing, this woman had just spent four months in Italy eating. She then traveled to India for rejuvenation. She challenged herself at a remote ashram by meditating for hours on end, all in pursuit of a quiet mind.

I just gave up. I had to quit reading the book because I could not empathize with this woman. I kept wanting to yell out, "You don't need to find yourself. You need to find something to do! Have a kid or two, and you'll find out who you are real quick!"

But I didn't. I don't recommend self-discovery as a reason to have children. I'm also fully aware that having children is not an option for many. I think that's my point. Our worlds are so different that the person I am right now could only survive in hers for as long as she could thrive in mine.

I can see why Oprah fawned over this book so much on her show. It is so something that Oprah would do. She's all about finding your best self and living your best life, which is more than I can live up to with so many other lives to worry about.

I've always been surprised that Oprah, a childless billionaire, has so much influence over mothers in this country.

I stopped watching Oprah the day she recommended a $40 bottle of hand soap for my guest bathroom. I think I fed the five of us for three days on $40 last weekend.

Reading this book reminded me of the last few months of my Glamour magazine subscription. I used to love Glamour so much that I grew up wanting to work there. I even wrote it down as my first choice when I applied for the ASME internship while I was in college. I ended up interning for Guideposts, which I think was a little bit of God's handiwork because I think He wanted me to go deeper.

Those last few times I read Glamour, I would flip past more articles than I would read. I was married by then, and I didn't want to read about dating issues. I was not employed at the time, so all the career advice bounced right off me. Even the fashion items didn't appeal, so I let the subscription lapse. I missed Glamour as much as I missed Tiger Beat.

I haven't missed Eat, Pray, Love yet, though I may check it out again just to say I finished what I started. But I'll probably wait until my mind quiets down. One of my sources of inspiration was up at 3 a.m. feeling pukey.

As for rejuvenation, a short nap next to a big dog does it for me.