Part of a complete breakfast

I get a big laugh from the fun names grocery stores come up with for their store-brand products.

So-called generic items, especially cereals, have come a long way from the days when stores only sold "corn flakes" or "crisp rice" in black and white boxes. Now stores have figured out how to make a reasonable facsimile of the best-selling cereals, and most generic items are packaged and named similarly to their more expensive competitors. Kind of.

It's not a stretch to see why Kroger calls their version of Cap'n Crunch "Crisp Crunch." Henry's favorite, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, becomes Cinnamon Swirls. Yawn. The funniest names go to the unique cereals. Special K has been around so long that I never stopped to think about what a weird name that is. Kroger's version is called "Active Lifestyle," which doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.

General Mills popular Chex cereals - corn, rice, wheat and the other siblings - are called Bitz at Kroger. Kroger execs must think the letter Z is marketing gold because they've added it to many of their new products, including a Hot Pocket-like item called Stuffz and the charming Ice Cream Sammiez. I'm surprised they don't go ahead and name their frozen corn on the cobs "Corn Totz."

Publix is getting in on the act too, with Fruit Spins for Froot Loops (which part of the food pyramid is "froot"?) and Apple Express, which are second-rate Apple Jacks. Whenever I see Kroger's Apple Dapples, I say it the way Bill Murray sang out "Razzle dazzle!" in Stripes. Please click on that link. It'll make your day. ("Just like last night, only better!")

Where was I? Oh, yes. Does Malt-O-Meal still call their version of Cheerios "Scooters"? hee hee

My award for best generic cereal names goes to the Crispix knock-offs.

I could not believe Crispix has been around since 1983, so I looked it up. It's true! Along with Wheaties, Crispix is one of the most expensive cereals, usually around $4.19 per box. It took a while for the generic versions to come out, but some companies obviously spent more time thinking up the names. Publix took about a minute, I'm thinking, to name their version "Crispy Hexagons." Mmmmm!

At least Kroger tried to be cute with "Hexa Grains." Harris Teeter makes eating cereal fun with "Crisp 6." Get it? 'Cause a hexagon has six sides? And if you say it fast, it sounds like Crispix!

No combination of letters and numbers will convince a kid that "Marshmallow Treasures" is the same as Lucky Charms.

But maybe I'm not the best judge of names. I still think the best cereal of all time was Kaboom.